To my brother...

         It's been 3 months since I've written this letter. I remember crying on the university staircase as I wrote every single line. With every letter and every word, I poured out my heart along. Again, it's been 3 months. I still haven't handed him this letter. I don't have the courage. But now I'm posting this on my blog with the hope that the whole universe conspire and he would end up reading this post someday... someday...

Dec-10-2015

Dearest Kuya,

          In the Youth for Christ Community, we were taught to "Hate the sin, NOT the sinner". This seemed to be so unacceptable to me before. I used to hate lawbreakers. I hated seeing people hurt or harm other people. I despised sinners, though I know I am a sinner too.

          Suddenly, you came home after months of being away from us. This time, however, you are no longer the Kuya that I've known. I remember you for being a joker. You used to tease us in an entertaining way. I remember you as my playmate. The Kuya who takes me to and from school. The one who taught me the basics of playing a guitar, of plucking the intro of Callalily's Magbalik. The Kuya who's really gwapo that I'm proud to show my classmates of. I remember you as the Kuya who rode with me on my very first motorcycle test drive on our barangay street. That's how I remember you!

          But you've become a different person now. Your head had gone so hard that it could break a rock if it clashes with it. You no longer pay attention to the pieces of advice given to you by papa, mama, and our ates. Do you really think they don't get hurt when they see you heading on the wrong path? Haven't you felt their love? They may scold you or talk to you the way you don't want them to - but it is because they care. WE care. Because we are a family and we can't imagine how it would be if something undesirable happens to you as a result of your deeds. Because even if you become more sinful and worthless than ever, you are still the only "Yiyig" we have and we can't hate you for that. We really love you Kuya, but not your sin. :(

It's never too late to turn back. . . .

600 DAYS

For the past 600 days, have you been seeing me in your dreams?

'Cause they say, when you extremely miss someone

you appear in that someone's dream...

and for the past 600 days, I've been missing you.

For the past 600 days, have you thought of me for even a single moment?

'Cause they say, when you can't stop thinking of someone

you suddenly cross that someone's mind...

and for the past 600 days, I've been thinking of you.

For the past 600 days, have you felt so clumsy?

'Cause they say, when you talk too often about someone

that someone stumbles, or slips, or bites his own tongue...

and for the past 600 days, I've been talking about you.

I hope it wasn't your nightmare to dream of me

and that you don't shudder at the thought of me.

I wish I could save you from every clumsy moment

but I'm sorry... I can't help it!

'Cause for the past 600 days,

I've been falling deeper and deeper for you.

Yes, I know, you don't notice me.

You don't smile nor look at me.

Worst to say, you don't even know my name.

'Cause for the past 600 days,

I can do nothing but look at you from a distance.

But if it takes another 600 days before I see you

smiling at me, or talking to me, or hear you calling my name..

then, let's not delay

LET THE COUNT BEGIN!